my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
