I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Come see our sink grown plant.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
