She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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