I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
