Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You are the jesus of drinking
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
