remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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