After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
