he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
