Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
