We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
