guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
