If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would ride that face into the sunset
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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