capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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