see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize