Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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