just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
