do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
