just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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