he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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