I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Randomize
