sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sarcasm needs its own font
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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