last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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