it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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