I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
