Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
