i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
