Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize