Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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