Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
