hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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