How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
