i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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