Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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