Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
