explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
