that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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