so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
