be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
