just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
