Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
