I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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