I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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