remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
