At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
