my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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