you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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