I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
