walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
