i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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