the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
