I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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