I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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