what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
only you would photoshop your dick
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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