Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
