I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
