she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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