So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
