if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
