i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize