I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
