Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
