The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
