yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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