:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
