Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm too high and old for this...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
