Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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