It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
