You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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