i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
