I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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