Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
