I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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