They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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