Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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