I'm laying in your front yard are you home
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
