Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
