Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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