Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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