Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.

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(443): View more from Maryland

ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow

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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays

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(802): View more from Vermont

Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.

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(607): View more from New York

I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.

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