You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
