During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
