your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just had sex bonerless
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
