So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
